Today, I got bitten by a mosquito.
Optimist: Don’t worry! The swelling will die down very soon.
Pessimist: In the meantime you will itch a lot. You will also scratch and bleed and cry.
Realist: Thankfully, this one isn’t an anopheles mosquito, so it doesn’t carry malaria.
Idealist: One day, we can utilise mosquitoes to help carry out blood transfusion, and we won’t need to worry about human errors anymore.
Physicist: That is highly unlikely since mosquitoes consume blood rather than give.
Surrealist: Perhaps they pretend to consume blood, but secretly store it in their bellies and hiding places for a time in need.
Scepticist: Highly unlikely.
Communist: Everyone’s blood should be taken in equal amounts.
Opportunist: …And when it’s my turn to be taken, I will hide and let another one suffer twice.
Sexist: Yeah! Push the (insert gender) out.
Racist: Don’t forget the (insert colour) person.
Conspiracist: They are gathering our intelligence in the aim to one day overthrow us all.
Utopist: Mosquitoes really love us, and only take our blood because they think too much blood is bad for us. It’s a great service!
Capitalist: There are approximately 7.5 billion people in the world. If I charge $1 for every person I offer the service to…
Nihilist: Except the service doesn’t exist, mosquitoes aren’t here, you aren’t real and neither am I.
I had to leave the room. Quickly.